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Piper Bayard

Please help me welcome Presidential Candidate Piper Bayard and her “space-saving” Vice-Presidential Running Mate Kristen Lamb to the blog! Their campaign is a breath of fresh air in the political arena. I’m sure you’ll agree that we need this pair in the White House. To read up on their campaign, click over to Bayard/Lamb 2012 Campaign HQ.

Thank you so much Piper and Kristen for stopping by. I appreciate you taking the time out of your busy schedules and am honored to be able to interview you today.

Kristen Lamb

As a mother, education is extremely important to me. What are your thoughts on the current state of our education system, which more often then not, isn’t preparing students for university and beyond?

This country has forgotten that education is a privilege. We will remind them of that fact with our Assclown Exchange Program. In this program, wannabe thugs who don’t appreciate the opportunity of a free education will be exchanged with children from third world countries who can only dream of getting an education instead of walking five miles for a bucket of water every day.

Does “abstinence only” education help or hurt us?

The act of telling a person “No” is not an education. Education is an exploration of facts, and reproduction is a topic worth exploring. Social agendas and value judgements are not the business of public schools.

We advocate sex education that is an actual education; therefore, along with the mechanics, we believe there should be a Herpes 101 class, followed by Crabs Ain’t Just In the Ocean, Clap if You Love Penicillin, Pregnancy: the Gift that Keeps on Taking, and AIDS is Not a Grant of Assistance.

This intensive course work will culminate in each student being assigned a robotic baby for a month. Said robotic baby will weigh 15 pounds, cry all night, and poop and puke randomly throughout the day. The only way a student will be allowed to attend Prom is if they find a babysitter at $8 – $10 per hour at their own cost, not their parents’, or if they take the pooping, spewing, screaming baby with them. Each robobaby will be fitted with a GPS ankle bracelet so we will know if the it is left alone or tossed out a window, which will constitute an automatic fail for the class.

Is our freedom to consume what we want whenever we want worth the cost (ie environmental, social, economic, etc.)?

We could write an entire dissertation on this so we will simply say that when you dance, you have to pay the piper. No pun intended. However, if you would like to send Piper money . . .

Should we begin colonizing space?

Sure. Let’s start with the space in the square and rectangular states like Wyoming and Nebraska. And we can test our super duper moonwalk gear in the winters of Montana. People in crowded states will get more places to live, and the colonized states will get another electoral college vote. It’s win/win. But be aware that all colonists will be required to contribute to the functioning of society. It isn’t right to go to someone else’s state and act like an assclown.

We would also colonize the space in West Texas in preparation for colonizing the bare rock that is the moon. After all, psychologically speaking, if people can handle a year in the rural area outside of Odessa, they will be fine on the moon.

If they were to make the story of your life into a movie, who should play you?

I would really love that horse from Secretariat to play me. I always wanted to be able to run that fast. And you have to admit. That horse was very convincing as a horse, and it always won its races. ~Piper

I want to be played by James Earl Jones because I always envisioned myself as a large black man with a deep, intimidating voice and not a small white girl from Ft. Worth, Texas. (My husband finds this slightly disturbing.) ~Kristen

I’m from Nevada, where prostitution is legal in the majority of the state, what are your thoughts on legalizing drugs and/or prostitution? Why or why not. (BTW, we also have the first legal male prostitute. We’re an equal opportunity state.)

We would not legalize drugs and prostitution. If we legalize it for everyone, what would Nevada do for income? Besides, it wouldn’t be special any more. It would be like having birthday cake every day.

Should the federal and/or state government have the power to define marriage?

They can’t even define “debt ceiling” or “budget.” Let’s work on the small stuff first.

I recently read this article: Canada’s Polygamy/Polyamory Ruling and would like to hear your thoughts/views on the subject.

We find polygamy quite fascinating. You always see men collecting wives, but you never see women wanting another husband. Funny how that is.

There are, however, women with man harems. They’re called erotica authors. (See Jillian Dodd or Roni Loren for actual man harems.)

My son wants to know, if your presidency tanks, who do you plan to use as your scapegoat?

President Bush, of course. Isn’t he everyone’s scapegoat? If we can’t blame Bush, we’ll just blame global warming or solar flares.

We talk about the tarot here on the blog quite a bit, if you were a tarot card which one would you be? Or which card do you feel represents you best?

I’m not familiar with the cards of a tarot deck, but I would be the one that represents a person who is blessed. ~Piper

I would be The Hangman because I was the dumb schmuck lucky person who agreed to be Piper’s running mate. ~Kristen

We want to thank Raelyn for hosting us here at her blog today. It’s been an honor.

If you would like to book the Foxie with Moxie Pair for a Bayard/Lamb Campaign Blog Tour stop at your site, please contact Piper at piperbayard@yahoo.com. And remember, Bayard/Lamb 2012 – We’re Not Them.

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Thanks again Piper Bayard and Kristen Lamb, what a thrill to have you here!

Are you ready to cast your vote for Bayard/Lamb 2012? Do you have any questions for Piper and Kristen?