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Bayard/Lamb 2012, blog, blogging, guest blogger, Jillian Dodd, Kristen Lamb, Piper Bayard, politics, Raelyn Barclay, Roni Loren
Please help me welcome Presidential Candidate Piper Bayard and her “space-saving” Vice-Presidential Running Mate Kristen Lamb to the blog! Their campaign is a breath of fresh air in the political arena. I’m sure you’ll agree that we need this pair in the White House. To read up on their campaign, click over to Bayard/Lamb 2012 Campaign HQ.
Thank you so much Piper and Kristen for stopping by. I appreciate you taking the time out of your busy schedules and am honored to be able to interview you today.
As a mother, education is extremely important to me. What are your thoughts on the current state of our education system, which more often then not, isn’t preparing students for university and beyond?
This country has forgotten that education is a privilege. We will remind them of that fact with our Assclown Exchange Program. In this program, wannabe thugs who don’t appreciate the opportunity of a free education will be exchanged with children from third world countries who can only dream of getting an education instead of walking five miles for a bucket of water every day.
Does “abstinence only” education help or hurt us?
The act of telling a person “No” is not an education. Education is an exploration of facts, and reproduction is a topic worth exploring. Social agendas and value judgements are not the business of public schools.
We advocate sex education that is an actual education; therefore, along with the mechanics, we believe there should be a Herpes 101 class, followed by Crabs Ain’t Just In the Ocean, Clap if You Love Penicillin, Pregnancy: the Gift that Keeps on Taking, and AIDS is Not a Grant of Assistance.
This intensive course work will culminate in each student being assigned a robotic baby for a month. Said robotic baby will weigh 15 pounds, cry all night, and poop and puke randomly throughout the day. The only way a student will be allowed to attend Prom is if they find a babysitter at $8 – $10 per hour at their own cost, not their parents’, or if they take the pooping, spewing, screaming baby with them. Each robobaby will be fitted with a GPS ankle bracelet so we will know if the it is left alone or tossed out a window, which will constitute an automatic fail for the class.
Is our freedom to consume what we want whenever we want worth the cost (ie environmental, social, economic, etc.)?
We could write an entire dissertation on this so we will simply say that when you dance, you have to pay the piper. No pun intended. However, if you would like to send Piper money . . .
Should we begin colonizing space?
Sure. Let’s start with the space in the square and rectangular states like Wyoming and Nebraska. And we can test our super duper moonwalk gear in the winters of Montana. People in crowded states will get more places to live, and the colonized states will get another electoral college vote. It’s win/win. But be aware that all colonists will be required to contribute to the functioning of society. It isn’t right to go to someone else’s state and act like an assclown.
We would also colonize the space in West Texas in preparation for colonizing the bare rock that is the moon. After all, psychologically speaking, if people can handle a year in the rural area outside of Odessa, they will be fine on the moon.
If they were to make the story of your life into a movie, who should play you?
I would really love that horse from Secretariat to play me. I always wanted to be able to run that fast. And you have to admit. That horse was very convincing as a horse, and it always won its races. ~Piper
I want to be played by James Earl Jones because I always envisioned myself as a large black man with a deep, intimidating voice and not a small white girl from Ft. Worth, Texas. (My husband finds this slightly disturbing.) ~Kristen
I’m from Nevada, where prostitution is legal in the majority of the state, what are your thoughts on legalizing drugs and/or prostitution? Why or why not. (BTW, we also have the first legal male prostitute. We’re an equal opportunity state.)
We would not legalize drugs and prostitution. If we legalize it for everyone, what would Nevada do for income? Besides, it wouldn’t be special any more. It would be like having birthday cake every day.
Should the federal and/or state government have the power to define marriage?
They can’t even define “debt ceiling” or “budget.” Let’s work on the small stuff first.
I recently read this article: Canada’s Polygamy/Polyamory Ruling and would like to hear your thoughts/views on the subject.
We find polygamy quite fascinating. You always see men collecting wives, but you never see women wanting another husband. Funny how that is.
There are, however, women with man harems. They’re called erotica authors. (See Jillian Dodd or Roni Loren for actual man harems.)
My son wants to know, if your presidency tanks, who do you plan to use as your scapegoat?
President Bush, of course. Isn’t he everyone’s scapegoat? If we can’t blame Bush, we’ll just blame global warming or solar flares.
We talk about the tarot here on the blog quite a bit, if you were a tarot card which one would you be? Or which card do you feel represents you best?
I’m not familiar with the cards of a tarot deck, but I would be the one that represents a person who is blessed. ~Piper
I would be The Hangman because I was the
dumb schmucklucky person who agreed to be Piper’s running mate. ~Kristen
We want to thank Raelyn for hosting us here at her blog today. It’s been an honor.
If you would like to book the Foxie with Moxie Pair for a Bayard/Lamb Campaign Blog Tour stop at your site, please contact Piper at piperbayard@yahoo.com. And remember, Bayard/Lamb 2012 – We’re Not Them.
~ * ~
Thanks again Piper Bayard and Kristen Lamb, what a thrill to have you here!
Pingback: Bayard/Lamb 2012 – Campaign Blog Tour Visits Raelyn Barclay « Author Piper Bayard
Darlene Steelman said:
I am voting Bayard/lamb in 2012!! How bad could it be compared to what it has been? :p
Piper Bayard said:
That’s what we say! Thanks so much for your support, Darlene. 🙂
Angela Brown said:
Well now…that was certainly a brain tickler. I wonder, what would the country be like with Bayard and Lamb in charge? Personally, I must admit that I’m in favor of the Assclown Exchange Program.
Piper Bayard said:
Education is a privilege. It shouldn’t be where we warehouse kids who have no ambition or desire to become contributing adults. That being said, higher education should also be more accessible, and people should always be given a second chance at making something of themselves and their lives.
Thanks for stopping by, Angela. 🙂
kerrymeacham said:
I agree, Piper. I won’t get into the boring details here, but let’s just say I was less than mature my first time around the college trail. Luckily I was given a second opportunity in my early 40’s (not recommened if you can do it in your late teens early 20’s).
Piper Bayard said:
Not a soul would have put a dime on me in my early twenties. I had to be either a lawyer, author, or president to put all that street cred to good use. 🙂
Raelyn Barclay said:
Isn’t the Assclown Exchange Program the best idea? LOL
August McLaughlin said:
Ha! Love this, Raelyn. Such a treat to find three of my favorite ladies united in a single post.
I’m going to blame every off thing that happens this holiday season on GWB, thanks to y’all. Go team B/L!
Piper Bayard said:
That’s the spirit, August! Thanks so much for your support.
Roni Loren said:
*takes a break from being fanned and fed strawberries by the shirtless men of my fictional man harem* You ladies have my vote! 😉
Piper Bayard said:
Could you please ask that handsome, dark-haired fellow to move his fan a bit to the left so I can catch a breeze, too? . . . Ah, yes. That’s better. Thank you. And thanks for your support. 🙂
K.B. Owen said:
ROFL!! I can barely catch my breath over the “Clap if you love penicillin” class. We need these commonsense ladies in the ‘House! Woot!
Jenny Hansen said:
Oh my God, Kathy – I spit beverages over the names of those Sex Ed classes!! Brilliant…these ladies are just BRILLIANT. Are you sure we can’t find enough people to write them in???
Piper Bayard said:
Jenny, you’re making me blush.
Piper Bayard said:
Lol. I honestly think the whole truth would achieve the desired results. Thanks for your support.
David N. Walker said:
I keep meaning to ask why Kristen is space-saving.
Raelyn Barclay said:
I’ve been wondering that too 😀
Piper Bayard said:
Umm. I’m still trying to convince her to take the job for reals. I told her she would sell a ton of books as vice president. She’s thinking about it.
Jenny Hansen said:
Great post, Raelyn and Piper and Kristen. I get so excited when I see what y’all would bring me and then I float back down to the real world of unqualified assclowns running our country…I might have to go boo-hoo now!!
Raelyn Barclay said:
We need to start a write-in campaign 🙂
Piper Bayard said:
That would be awesome! Except then only literate voters could vote for us, and I’m not sure there are enough of those left to actually elect someone. But I sincerely appreciate your support. 🙂
Gloria Richard Author said:
One Penny:
I’m with you, Jenny H, we need to find enough people to write them in. Grass roots. One coordinator per state, recruits one coordinator per county. Sign me up for Tarrant County, Texas. What? No fair that Kristen and David Walker live here? I call “dibs.”
I didn’t spit on on the keyboard, but did gurgle on a swallow of green tea when I read the sex ed class names.
Second Penny:
NOTE TO SELF: Pay attention and behave in Kristen’s BLOGGING TO BUILD BRAND class in Jan/Feb. I don’t want to haul water for six hours. I’ll let my jowls sag and contribute to a fund to dig those poor kids a well with potable water.
That’s my two cents. BAYARD/LAMB 2012 makes sense.
Piper Bayard said:
Kristen’s class is awesome. When we’re elected, she will continue that as part of her vice-presidential duties. Blogging class, along with her fiction writing, attending cool parties, and shooting off at the mouth. She’ll need to lessons on that last one to be as good as our current and our former vice presidents. Perhaps Quayle and Biden will help her out.
Thank you so much for your support, Gloria. It means a lot to us. 🙂
Gina said:
i’m on board ladies! you had me at crabs are not just in the ocean…
Piper Bayard said:
Yea! Thank you for your support, Gina. We’re honored.
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patriciasands said:
Another amazing stop on the tour! More laughs than anyone could hope for to start the day … and it all makes such good sense, it’s scary! Start that write-in campaign … and let’s get you on The Colbert Report.
Jami Gold said:
LOL! Love your sex education plan. Seriously, isn’t the (whole) truth a pretty good motivator for thinking before acting? 🙂